Friday, August 26, 2016

too much pain

Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:6‭-‬10 NIV
http://bible.com/111/2co.12.6-10.NIV

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not just three but many, many times i asked the Lord to pluck me out of very hard situations i got myself into. i begged Him with tears because it was all too much and thought it would be best for me to be transported in another place and time. moments like that i noticed He becomes quiet and allows me to express my pain until i fall asleep.

the more i keep pain to myself and pretend i am strong, the more it stings when the night comes. my pain wasn't even the same level as Paul's but whatever it was, i realized the only way to heal the wound or the weakness is to recognize that it's there, admit that i cannot make it alone and then ask the Lord to reveal His power while going through it.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

love well

Learning to Love Well

“Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” He is broken. He is sorry. He has known how to love only in a limited way. The reach of his imagination stops at the possibility of joining the family help.

But the father said to his servants, “Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” So they began to celebrate.

His father seems to not even hear the rehearsed speech. He quickly calls a servant and asks for clothes. He also wants a signet ring, an identifying signal of family, rushed out as well. The father’s final instruction is to throw a party, a feast in honor of his son’s return.

Here is the overwhelming truth: this is a wild love.

A love difficult to comprehend and more unsettling, a love we are unable to restrain. The flesh, the broken part of our humanity, longs to be in command, longs to be able to identify finite lines of understanding so that we can master that understanding, feel safe, and be in control. The love of this father is anything but safe and predictable.

There is an oft-quoted line from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe in which Mr. Beaver is responding to young Lucy’s question about Aslan, the God-character in the story:

“He isn’t safe?” said Lucy.

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

God is passionately in love with you. Allow your imagination to stretch to its furthest reach, and then tell yourself you have barely passed your rooftop. There is an entire universe and beyond that can hardly contain the love that is waiting for you.

Stop trying to experience love on your own terms, and open yourself up to God. When you do, when you allow yourself to be truly known, you will discover within you a compulsion to give love away like you have never known. Love longs to be known. It is in that knowing and being known that we learn to love well.

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this is day 6 of my love well devotional and i can't help but share this message. when i was younger and realized God's love for me after hearing His words in a Christian Church i first attended, i started praying "Lord, teach me how to love like you." maybe i took it lightly and thought it would be an easy thing to learn and do. but God seemed to take that prayer seriously and put me under circumstances that made me experience how difficult (almost impossible) it is to love like how He does!

it is still true until today that my heart is longing to be sure and safe, that my logic chooses whatever is more beneficial and more comfortable. i was asking the Lord to just pull me out of this kind of heart breaking situation because i cannot do it anymore, by myself, but He has always assured me that He didn't take me this far only to abandon me. hence, this message for me today.

have a blessed tuesday.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

and so my faith grows

from my devotional early this morning after God gave me a peaceful night's sleep:

to truly live by faith, one must be willing to live in the tension of not knowing. not understanding certain things. not having all the answers.

a person must walk humbly, bearing the mystery of a God who far surpasses any human capacity to define Him.

"now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

hebrews 11:1

Saturday, July 30, 2016

the best fishball sauce (street food edition)

very easy, very quick!

2 tbsp cornstarch
2 tbsp vinegar
2 tbsp soy sauce
3-4 cups water
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp chopped garlic
1 tsp chopped onion
2 pcs red chili

1. put all ingredients in a saucepan and stir until cornstarch completely dissolves.
2. place over medium heat stirring constantly until the mixture thickens or when it starts to boil.
3. taste it. adjust sweetness and spice level to your liking.
4. share and enjoy!


notes:

* leaving the sauce over heat after it starts boiling will make it even more thick.

* adding cornstarch to a hot mixture will immediately cook it and therefore form lumps. dissolve it first in a small amount of room temperature water before adding to your mixture in case you need to do so.

* go easy on chili. remember that garlic is a bit spicy too!

* it's also a good idea to divide your sauce in two: spicy and not spicy. you may do this by initially omitting chili in the mix, setting aside a portion of the cooked non-spicy sauce in a separate bowl, then putting the chili in the remaining sauce in the pan.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

how to find love, happiness and abundance


do you believe that you attract what you think? i sort of figured out some of these things for the past week of much reflecting and this video put them all in perspective for me, exactly what i need.

my dad was still alive when i came across an ebook entitled The Science of Getting Rich. i can't remember how or where i got it, i just printed it out so i could read it just to kill time. being young and confused, i didn't take it seriously until The Secret came out and i thought it contained the same concept or principles. i realized, i needed those learnings then because the real world after school was wild, polluted and sarcastic. i had dreams, impossible dreams then which got really close to fulfillment but growing up is tough and responsibilities bloated up. somehow i got swayed in random directions only to find myself here again, listening to the same words, thinking, contemplating...

and i know this is not coincidence because earlier this morning i asked God to direct my eyes to where He wants me to go or what He wants me to do. now one thing mentioned in this video slapped me in the face and it's about forgiving myself and forgiving others who may have done something wrong towards me or made me feel bad. it is something i thought i have already done but maybe i need to take a deeper look into my life again and find a way to let things go so new ones could finally come in.